You asked for it...

Life's been so full. Yet empty in some ways.

I had a call for my voice. The voice which used to weave words in the pattern of turmoil my mind was contorted to. That turmoil that used to fester inside a pressure cooker was released, but now it sweeps me off my feet. Interesting that without the internalized conflict, there is no longer a voice screaming to be heard.

No conflict? Whom am I kidding?

Caught in a whirlwind called the-daily-life, it is very easy to lose sight of the important pillars of life. Pillars – they can be so fragile – Strong as mountains, bearing the load of the sky, but delicate as a blade of grass which bends with the slightest breeze.

Don't trample blades of grass on your journey. Every one that breaks shall re-visit the soul a thousand fold.

Compartmentalising life always came easily. Now I know why. To see an image and recognize beauty in the chaos of a hundred mixed colours takes an artist. I'm no artist. I'm an engineer. Where a straight line should bring to mind the resolute nature of an artiste's determination, there is usually y=mx+c. And I try to engineer art.

Hypocrisy is a way of life.

As is guilt and self-pity, apparently... But this is a rant on neither. Pillars have been shaken and they must be stabalised. For the sake of my sanity and ability to carry on with life, I must believe that they are not broken. As for hypocrisy, perhaps the admittance of a way of thinking will absolve one of its nature.

I am neither Shakespeare nor Sanjay Dutt. The marks I leave on history shall be for history to choose. I shall only worry about the marks I leave on people.

In response to your call, my dear... I haven't written in so long because I seem to have lost the ability to do so. My words have usually been clever masks designed to look like cathartic out-pours which made me feel I was doing something about them.

On the other hand, I was happy to be able to write like that. Perhaps I was being more honest then.

On the other hand, I am happier now, with my life. Perhaps I am being more honest now.

I don't know anymore.

HappiER, yes... Happy?... Hmmm...

Normally, a thought like this should spawn something seemingly philosophical on the contrast between absolutes and relatives and that how the theory of relativity has a whole different meaning when applied to life, rather than light.

Heh...